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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Ambrose Bierce

American newspaperman and short-story writer

Nationality: American
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Type: Writer
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Birth: 1842-1914
Page: 1
Woman absent is woman dead.
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Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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Admiration is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
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Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
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Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
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Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
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To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
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Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
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When in Rome, do as Rome does.
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A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
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Abscond. To ''move'' in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
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Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
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Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
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Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
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Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
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Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
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Faith. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
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Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
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Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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The gambling known as business looks with severe disfavor on the business known as gambling.
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Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
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Habit is a shackle for the free.
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Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
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An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Historian. A broad - gauge gossip.
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Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
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Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a ''joke.''
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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Appeal: In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
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Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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A man is known by the company he organizes.
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Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Incompatibility: In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
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Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
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Optimism: The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Patience. A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
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A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
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Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Pray. To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
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Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
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Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
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Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
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Truth: An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
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Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
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